Words I wish now-me was able to tell myself at the time.
To the little Lady in grade 2.
Hey sweet-heart, it's okay to pee the bed. Heaps of kids your age still do. It's totally NOT okay for your Mum to yell at you for making all this extra work for her when you have poor bladder control.
To the little Lady in grade 3.
Hey little tom-boy. So. Your Parents are getting a divorce. Well, you are in for a tough ride but you will think and feel your way through it and develop a great sense of empathy. You know that kid at school who is teasing you? His parents are going to get divorced in a few years. Karma's a bitch.
To the little Lady in grade 4.
Hey little girl, I know your totally freaked out. Your Mum's boyfriend is a violent prick and keeps bashing her. Would it make it any easier if I told you you're going to get a beautiful baby Brother out of this whole shit situation who will grow up to be absolutely nothing like his psycho Father?
To the 17 year old Lady.
Hello there Miss, grown-ups are supposed to protect children but your Mum is honestly so fucked up she won't actually believe a word you've told her for ten years. Sometimes something is so horrible we don't want to believe it's true and it's easier to label a child a liar than accept the truth.
To the 18 year old Lady.
Goddammit! You have a great arse. Don't listen to your Boyfriend's nasty comments. You end up dumping him.
To the 23 year old Lady.
Your Best Friend has just hung himself. Do you think you should be all happy and gay? Tell your Boyfriend to stick his snare drum up his arse. His band is shit and they are going to break up. Staying with a dude because he has a great family is pretty dumb. In 3 years you'll meet the man of your dreams.
To the 27 year old Lady.
Okay. You're in a hospital room with two other mums and their crying babies while yours are down in the Special Care Nursery. Grow some balls and ask to be moved back to your old room where you'll be able to sleep, the room without junkie/methadone Mum ringing the nurse every hour to ask for her drugs. When your Mum tells you she doesn't like the name you picked for one of the twins tell her to 'fuck off!'. It will save you months of heart-ache.
Feels like these Ladies have been my companions over the years, bobbing along like helium balloons above my head. One hand is full of the strings that keep them with me, leaving only one hand to truly grasp life with. So the time comes to cut the strings and away they float into the sunset. I wave goodbye madly with both hands. see ya Girls, it's been real.
Bloody self-indulgent using the blog as a personal-growth sounding board, but I'd like to get my angst out now. I'd quite like to have a normal Christmas this year. One where I actually appreciate my parents .
7 comments:
I wish I had fairy wings and a time machine. I would tell my younger self lots of really important things. Damn all these stupid life lessons we have to learn.
Oh, and how is it possible that you celebrate Christmas IN THE SUMMER!?!?
I'm completely baffled. :-)
Now that must have been cathartic! Just to put it out there, helps to let go.
Oh go for it Aims, it's not all sweetness and light this life. you're keeping it real. you are brave and fantastic.
mwah
Dude.
We have led Very Similar Lives.
And i wish I'd appreciated my excellent ass more at 21, too.
blogs are all about being self indulgent...tis normal!
grade 3...ditto. parents divroced that year. dork in my class teased me. teacher just gave me the 'sticks n stones' talk every other day. then one afternoon my dad's mate came to the school and gave him a whoppin'. worked good.
he grew up to look like a beetroot, so what goes around comes around.
i like you more and more brave crazy girl! ace to hear your rant - so many things i can relate to. might have to follow suit - shake it all out so i can also try and be nice to my parents this xmas...
Ah to be able to tell your old self these things. Telling yourself now is just as good. You probably wouldn't listen to yourself then anyway. I'd tell my old self that it's okay that you're dad's not around, your mom will make up for it 100 times. It's okay your mom chooses to date a round of loosers, she will come to her senses and dump them all eventually anyway. It's okay that your 25 year old self's boyfriend who your obsessed with is a dickhead who says and does unmentionably mean things to you. You'll meet a great guy soon who you love you so much. Ha! These are just some things I'd tell my old self. Everyone should have a talk with their old self.
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