The first day of school was really exciting. We have friends at the school and many of our customer's children are there. The boys walked in like it was the most natural thing and started playing happily so we said quick good-byes and left.
As we are shut on Monday, we decided to do some shopping and then have brunch. While we were sitting outside the cafe, a mum went by with a newborn in a baby carrier. I felt the emotions well up and what followed was a good 20 minutes of blubbing into my french toast.
It really surprised me. My children have been going to child-care since they were three and a half. I didn't feel nervous or even remotely sad when they started their two days of kinda. I think what I felt then was the relief for the break, the time to get some stuff done on my own.
I can't really put my finger on what made me cry. Sadness. Loss. Anxiety. Fear. Perhaps a mix of all of these. I know there was pride and happiness too. Heck, I think I've done a bloody good job so far.
As we enjoy this new chapter I know the book hasn't quite closed on the old one, they will be my little babies for awhile longer. When they hurt themselves they still need my cuddles, I just hold on a little tighter.